We Are Not Here to Suffer
The phrase ‘Jacob’s Ladder’ emerged in my mind through a voice I knew wasn't my own. It spoke to me as I was down on my knees, asking for true healing after years of torment despite persistent psychotherapy and medication.
My efforts to understand it back then were mostly in vain. But as years went by, that inner voice, together with my inner vision grew clearer and stronger and became an unwavering guiding force for my healing and life. “Jacob’s Ladder”, for me, now undoubtedly represents the everlasting dance between spirit and its beloved — the intimate relationship between the divine and man. It is gnosis (self-knowledge) in late antiquity Christianity, it is Jung and his personality No.2, it is the Tao that cannot be spoken of, and it is the eternal love that has never left me.
Or so this is how my conversion story goes. It’s a series of perpetual moments that teach me universal spiritual truth and why we are here on earth. This is a collection of my insights that now I know for sure.
One thing I know for sure is that we are not here to suffer, despite how it may seem.
In my 20s, I felt I was suffering greatly. Nothing seemed to be working. I jumped from one job to another, joined the game of chasing guys and being chased by them, got drunk, experimented with drugs, got wasted, tried to get involved in the start-up circle, met founders, traded stocks, negotiated options, overworked, and repeat. Behind the closed curtain, I took my antidepressant and confessed to my therapist that I couldn’t do it anymore and that I would go back to China tomorrow if I had a functional family and sane relatives on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. Then we talked again about my mother, my father, the dysfunctional Asian family dynamic, and repeat.
I thought this suffering was life itself until I noticed this other voice in my head. It first felt like a fist-sized golden light at the top of my head, and then that light extended a thin thread down toward my chest area. A tear-shaped droplet followed, dripped, and plopped. It warmed my heart and tears came out of my eyes, flowing like water, the cathartic kind. I was told that we are not here to suffer but to learn. We have come to this planet to grow, evolve, change and we will continue until our last breath. And the choice is in our hands to either go through this process with ease or pain.
I felt life itself was suffering because I was repeating the same pattern over and over yet still failed to grasp the lesson. “What’s the lesson? How can I learn then?”, I asked. Days later my question was answered by a series of serendipitous life events. To avoid getting lengthy, let me omit the events here and just focus on the teaching.
The first way to learn is through Observing. People tend to think some chosen ones can reach success or high awareness effortlessly, and call those people “lucky”. That’s not entirely true. Those lucky ones tend to be more observant, of nature, of the people around them, and of themselves. They derive principles, natural laws, and objective evaluations of themselves and others. They synthesize everything together until it becomes a second instinct for them to know what’s the right choice for them at certain moments. Their life seems easy because they are always observing and always learning.
If simply observing sounds too obscure, there is a second way: Learning from Others. Human beings have accumulated such great knowledge, experiences, and wisdom over time. Your experience at this moment feels unique to you but is universal in the eyes of nature. Learn from books, consult someone who has mastered what you are struggling with, or seek spiritual support. You do not need to carve out a path all by yourself.
The third way is Learning with ease and fun. The second noble truth in Buddhism teaches that it’s human craving and attachment that creates all the unnecessary suffering. If we simply detach from the outcome and enjoy the process, we will find that life's journey is filled with wonder. I am a clumsy student so this one still doesn’t come naturally. But when I am surfing, waiting for waves, and getting swallowed again and again by the ocean’s raw power, I somehow can always come out of a swirl beaten up but laughing. I am still learning to apply the same spirit for life.
Finally, if you haven’t learned through any of these paths, the only way you can learn is through pain, despite how inefficient and undesirable it is. A.H. Almaas illustrated this concept beautifully:
“Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, “Look here! This way!” That part of you loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose.”
Our souls come to earth to learn, yet often we become entangled in the minutiae, losing sight of the greater vision. When we become too absorbed in our ego’s stories, that’s when our suffering begins. So when you are in pain, instead of getting too caught up in the “poor me” story, seek the lesson it brings and set an intention to learn it another way.
Ever since I adapted this framework, my pain-saturated life has become much calmer. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain anymore. Nonetheless, I see pain as an invitation to reflect and evolve further — through other modalities. The moment when my mindset shifted, the “aha” moment will soon follow. Life then becomes a video game where I can keep cracking the code, learn new things about myself and this world, and go on to the next level. It becomes…kinda fun.
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